I started writing this in another group I'm in, in response to Amy, whose hamster mysteriously died and whose dogs and cats deny any knowledge of the event, and I thought it would be interesting if you are contemplating small animals (hamsters, etc.) to remember MY experiences with rodents, reptiles, fish, and kids, just as a warning.

HAMSTERS
1. When they have babies, sometimes after a couple of weeks the babies fight and kill and eat each other.
2. Sometimes mother eats a few babies.
3. Hamsters, even if they don't die any other way, do NOT live long. A couple of years MAX. If you have sensitive kids, a hamster isn't a good choice.
4. When you put a hamster in a cage, even if you think the cat isn't going to get at it, the cat will. Our last hamster ended up being a tasty midday snack for our then-cat, Desdemona.
5. Hamster sex is hilarious. Watch two hamsters going at it and try not to laugh. I dare you.
6. Hamsters are boring, and do little except eat and burrow (unless engaged in #5). It's easy to forget about hamsters because they don't DO anything. They're low-maintenance, a pile of seeds lasts for days, and they make little noise. So one day you WILL smell something. Depending on your stomach, you will gag first and then toss the contents of the entire cage into the garbage, or be brave and pretend you're on Fear Factor trying for $50K.


SNAKES
1. Un-hungry snakes don't fare well with mice. You put a mouse in for a snake to eat, and sometimes the mouse ends up nibbling on the snake's tail, the tail gets infected, and YUCK.
2. Snakes escape. Our boa (may he rest in peace) escaped and two weeks later a hysterical neighbor called the police when she found him lounging on her rock wall. That is how we found our snake.
3. Snakes are boring unless they're eating. The whole neighborhood will turn out to watch a boa go through mice, rats, and the aforementioned hamsters.

FISH
1. Fish get ick.
2. Fish don't last long.
3. Betta males fight to the death so you can't put them in the same tank. Put a mirror in the male betta's aquarium and watch him threaten himself over and over again.
4. Goldfish have a 10-second memory. Each time they cross the tank, it's a brand new experience for them. So tell the kids their pet won't get bored while they're at school.
5. Gars die slowly. They twist out of shape and your husband will want to wait and see that the gar gets better because he's had the gar since college. Let it die and let go.
6. Fish are boring unless they're eating. The whole neighborhood will turn out to watch a gar go through a dozen goldfish, get hugely fat, and poop long orange strings.

KIDS
1. Kids get creeped out when you:
a. Flush a dead fish down the toilet and it doesn't go down so in the morning that's the first thing your little boy sees when he goes to take a whiz...
b. Slam the door accidentally on your iguana's tail. Iguana is fine (tails regrow) and casually walks away, but the cut-off tail just lies there twitching by itself on the floor.
2. Kids are bored unless they're eating. The whole neighborhood will turn out to watch kids shoot milky snot rockets. 'Nuff said.