Nathanael and Micah + minion (Joshua) are on a creekwalk. Meeting I thought was today is 21st. Rosario forgot and scheduled me for stuff next week even though I told her I was on my other job. She forgets stuff. She's so sweet and I just like her but she just forgets stuff. Second time in like 2 weeks now.

Guess what- I'm gonna find something to do today- relax- it's not uncommon for me. I'm not one of those selfless women who never has time to do what she wants. I find plenty of time to do what I like. Unfortunately I don't always use it wisely or even in a foolishly fun way. Just lazily. I'm not one of those people who feels so busy and overwhelmed and obligated, though I like to be busy and obligated. I don't like to feel over or underwhelemd- just...whelmed. :)

Though I hate having too much extra time, I've still rarely felt used up and mentally strapped. I like to work a lot but not too much. Knowaddamean? I like doing and accomplishing things and going places but I actually enjoy most of it. I guess I just have some darn good medication, LOL.

What will I do today? Read the paper and do the crossword (hardest of the week is Saturday). Have a salad while I read. Been losing weight agian on JC and I feel great. So I'm continuing. I think I look good and will try to look better. I admit some of my weight loss desire is for my back problem and energy problem. Some of it is just plain old vanity. When I'm introspective and question my real motives behind anything, including weight loss, sometimes I find some real pride in my heart, so I'm trying to be real with God and ask Him to reveal to me what is right in feeling good about how you look and what is sin. (Sin is really defined as anything that diminishes yourself or another person.) I find these things in my heart even with friends. Family members. Various people. Spite, jealousy, vanity, getting my digs in even the sweetest of friends. If I don't catch myself then I'm very good at playing it like I'm all innocent. In other words, if I've accomplished something, there's a part of me that wants others to envy ME. There's a whole lot of junk in my heart that needs a severe cleaning. I think I'm a pretty typical woman in that way- most of us are vain or prideful in some one thing. The thing is, I still want to shine if I can. If I have a day I think I'm looking good, I like it. Where's the line? I don't know and I have introspection to do. I think one thing is if you truly, truly desire something good more for another than for yourself, without giving up feeling a sense of satisfaction about yourself, then you've got a handle on it. And God is working in your heart.
Maybe I will browse at Border's. Or find a pow-wow. Or yard sale. Or church bazaar. Or visit Vir. Or whatever. Just sit on the porch and cross stich. Signing off.