Micah's in his loft now with 2 friends from his new school, Connor and Alex. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't have at least 1 extra kid at my house. That was at the old and the new house. Well they're up there talking about stuff that, well, 14-year-old boys find humorous. Nathanael didn't prepare me for this. Micah's going through a lot of the kind of rebellion that hits most boys around this age. :O So- unbeknownst to them, I listened for a while to their talk (b.s. more to the point)- it consisted of past injuries, (did you see the you tube video of this guy that broke his leg and it was all shaped like thiiiiis), what girls in school are hot and which ones are butterfaces (Everything on her looks good but her face...), various other topics, and everything peppered with "Dude, that would blow a$$," "that was BEAST" (means cool), "I'd feel salty if..." Connor uses a lot more of the 4-letter words. "Why do girls always get drunk and then wake up the next day saying why did I F that dude?" Um, yeah....sure, how many girls do YOU know who do that on a regular basis... He dyed a green stripe in his hair the other day. He is a goofy kid looking for attention. Well you know how 14-year-old boys talk like they are BMOC. Oh please tell me this doesn't continue forever...I hope Micah matures out of this...but I honestly remember being in college and seeing how many people, both men and women, talked like that all the time. Sorry, when you're 25 this isn't so cute any more: "Dude, I was making out with this one girl once..." "Yeah RIGHT...what girl were YOU making out with..." "Well anyway, dude, Jackie from that 70's show is HOT". "Dude, one day I'm gonna get a (name that car)."
Nathanael didn't prepare me for this! HELP- people with grown kids, how did you deal with this? I just know there's a light at the end of this tunnel, but I hope that light isn't a train waiting to run me over. Shrink says he's a normal boy seeking independence, which people do at about this age.
Man I remember how utterly horrible I was at age 14. I can only imagine what my parents went through. I was a drama queen, nowadays referred to as emo. I was an emo. I screamed and cussed and caused a HUGE scene many times. I remember threatening to run away and really NOT wanting to live with my parents because they were totally nerdy and retarded. My thinking didn't go much beyond that except for having crushes on rock stars and boys at school. Everything my parents did embarrassed me beyond belief. I guess they just knew I would grow out of it but boy was I a pain when it was in process. But my mom says she herself was a total nuisance to her own parents and I know my dad was to his. Smoking and running around and my mom in the attic kissing boys. LOL
God, please pull him through this unscathed...
By the way, Micah is really enjoying having a broken arm. "All the hot girls want to sign my cast."
posted by Ann @ 8:07 PM
8 comments
8 Comments:
This too shall pass. Everyone who has kids should have at least one kid who's over the top so they don't get to be arrogant about being the perfect parents. No one said parenting was easy, or even bearable at certain times. But we love our kids anyway and just stay humble. Love, Mom Yes, I drove my parents nuts and still feel their pain.
So, what are you doing in response to this overheard conversations?
Toy
I don't think there is much you can do. At this age anything you say can and will be thrown back at you. I don't think any amount of "reasoning" or long talks will help. Would they have helped you? Make sure he knows his boundries CLEARLY, and have consequences if they are breached, and then stick by them. The rest is out of your hands.
Dave
Well for one thing, I think I will try to lead by example and I won't quibble over every little thing, but I really don't care for Connor's liberal cussing, though he doesn't do it when he knows I'm around. I'll be talking to Micah about some things, but there are times when I have to choose my battles.
Most teenage boys are blowhards. Big talk but no action, of course. Each one wants to be funnier than the next. Bragging rights. He definitely knows his boundaries- nothing illegal allowed, and so far so good there- and my personal thing is I really don't tolerate irreverence to God and disrespect to others. We will be talking about how certain kinds of talking and hot air can seem harmless but can foster that kind of disrespect. Don't throw words around unwisely. Right now he IS unwise in many things, but is gaining maturity. It's a far cry from where we were 2 years ago.
Ann
Talk to him about four letter words? shit! kids that age use four letter words every third word out of their mouth. who cares as long as it's within the confines of private jibba jabba with friends. He’ll grow out of it, but it has to run its course. I think that is the least of your worries. As for irreverence to god. I think you should let him follow his own beliefs and not expect him to feel the way you do. If you don't like it, well, tough bananas it's his mind he gets to decide! After all you can't disrespect something that doesn't exist. Not trying to start a big long to-do here, or am I? (sinister laugh)
Dan
What I did- talked to him about language. I don't go ballistic if he says a wordy dird. It's not isolated words. I just talked to him about things that could hurt people, when we talk about other people. How language can be used to hurt. He really listened. Not that he and his buddies aren't going to b.s. I'm not interested in censoring some word. It's about developing a respectful and reverent spirit.
Micah wrote a sweet letter to his online "girlfriend" and another letter to a girl he met at confirmation camp, who thought she was ugly. He said, you're not ugly, you're hot. And she said, you really think I'm hot? I thought you were just kidding. And he said, I hate it when girls put themselves down- puking on purpose, cutting, and other things. Girls shouldn't do that to themselves. And yes, you ARE hot.
My little man IS sensitive- he may talk about butterfaces with his buddies, but then look how he REALLY is.
PS Mom...weren't we ALL over the top in our family's case? A.
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